5 Ways to Stop Negative Comparison

We all have a natural tendency to compare ourselves to others.  Sharing stories and experiences can bring people together; however, when we negatively compare ourselves it can make us feel really sad or insecure.

Negative social comparison moments are something that happens to everyone at one point or another.  For many, these moments happen all the time.  If you can think of a time when you were feeling jealous of another person’s looks or accomplishments and, as a result, you started to feel inadequate or crummy, then you’ve experienced negative social comparison.  If these negative comparisons become a habit, they can make a person feel greater stress, anxiety, & depression.  They can even influence people to make self-defeating choices.

Here are some tips and things to remember to help you stop negatively comparing yourself to others!

When we wish we had something that another person has, we often are only wishing for a specific aspect of a person – not everything about that person. 

If we look at the person as a whole, we realize that they are humans with their own flaws and challenges just like we are.  For example, someone who does really well in school might have health problems.  Or someone who has a great relationships with their siblings may not have a good relationship with their parents.  We all have our own insecurities and struggles.

Sometimes when we compare ourselves to another, we are idealizing them in some way. 

It’s important to remember that, chances are, they couldn’t even live up to the flawless and unrealistic image we have of them. When you’re only seeing a snapshot of someone’s life, you don’t have any way to know what they’ve gone through to get there or what they might be struggling with privately. 

 Remind yourself that social media does not always accurately reflect reality. 

Don’t rely on social media to tell you what someone else’s life is like. It’s not usually a complete picture of someone’s life – it’s just the parts they want the world to see, like a highlight reel.  Don’t compare your whole life to everyone else’s highlight reel.  You may even want to set boundaries around how much time you spend on social media if you find yourself comparing yourself to others often.

Practice gratitude and focus on your strengths. 

Try writing down three things you’re grateful for every day.  The more you recognize what is good in your life, the more content with your life you will be.  Additionally, write down your own strengths, talents and accomplishments.  You can be humble and still acknowledge what’s great about you! 

 Learn to compete with yourself rather than others. 

Where are you now compared to where you were one year ago? Or five years ago? Focus on your own goals and getting better for the sake of meeting your own goals and aspirations, rather than being like others. 

Use these tips to focus on learning about yourself without comparing yourself to others. Each of us has our own unique strengths and skills we bring that are important, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. If you’re struggling with self-esteem or negative comparison, chat with us today for more support in focusing on yourself and changing your mindset. 

How to Set Healthy New Year’s Resolutions

It’s that time of year again… “New year, new me” posts are popping up everywhere.  New Year’s resolutions can be a great way to set goals for the upcoming year.  However, they can also easily become toxic.

While resolutions can be useful in helping you attain your goals, it’s important to make sure they are realistic and don’t create unhealthy habits or mindsets for yourself. It’s also important to know that you don’t need to set resolutions at all. But below are just a few tips to set healthy new year’s resolutions in 2022, if you choose to set some.

Choose attainable goals.
Don’t set yourself for disappointment, and make sure your goals are realistic.  You can always add new goals as you achieve your original ones, building off of the progress you’ve already made. 

Make small changes that contribute toward a larger goal.

You don’t have to reach a giant milestone in a small amount of time. Sometimes building small habits over a long time can be more helpful in continuing to make positive changes in your life. For instance, if you’re not used to exercising daily, having a goal of going for a two-mile run five days a week might be really difficult to reach and maintain.  Start by going for a 30 minute walk five days a week.  Then adjust and increase your goals as you meet them.

Avoiding setting number-based resolutions.

In some instances, putting a number on your goal can put a negative spin on them and become less about the change and more about rushing to the final goal.  For example, instead of setting a goal to make 10 new friends in the new year, you could make a resolution to attend a new club or group that would provide an organic space to meet new people. Making new friends can meet a lot of things and may not be something within your control. But placing yourself in new environments to meet people is within your control and can be a way to help you get out of your comfort zone and into new experiences. 

Avoid goals that take things away from you.

It can be harder to remain motivated to achieve our goals when we feel we are being deprived of something. Think about what you can do instead of what you cannot do. Instead of a resolution to “eat less junk food,” try reframing the goal to “add one additional fruit or one vegetable to every meal.” Or instead of something like “watch less TV,” try “spend thirty minutes per day on a new hobby.” Choose to focus on all the good things you can add into your life rather than what you can take away. 

Our best advice is to go for gradual improvement, not perfection. By setting attainable, healthy goals, you can slowly make positive changes in your life over time. And of course if you choose not to set any resolutions, that’s okay too! You can start making changes at any point in your life. You don’t have to wait for the start of the year. And you don’t need to have it all figured out by the end of the next year–but you can take small steps that can build towards larger changes.