5 Ways to Stop Negative Comparison

5 Ways to Stop Negative Comparison

Shelby Williams
Adolescent and Young Adult Psychotherapist

5 Ways to Stop Negative Comparison

We all have a natural tendency to compare ourselves to others.  Sharing stories and experiences can bring people together; however, when we negatively compare ourselves it can make us feel really sad or insecure.

Negative social comparison moments are something that happens to everyone at one point or another.  For many, these moments happen all the time.  If you can think of a time when you were feeling jealous of another person’s looks or accomplishments and, as a result, you started to feel inadequate or crummy, then you’ve experienced negative social comparison.  If these negative comparisons become a habit, they can make a person feel greater stress, anxiety, & depression.  They can even influence people to make self-defeating choices.

Here are some tips and things to remember to help you stop negatively comparing yourself to others!

When we wish we had something that another person has, we often are only wishing for a specific aspect of a person – not everything about that person. 

If we look at the person as a whole, we realize that they are humans with their own flaws and challenges just like we are.  For example, someone who does really well in school might have health problems.  Or someone who has a great relationships with their siblings may not have a good relationship with their parents.  We all have our own insecurities and struggles.

 

Sometimes when we compare ourselves to another, we are idealizing them in some way. 

It’s important to remember that, chances are, they couldn’t even live up to the flawless and unrealistic image we have of them. When you’re only seeing a snapshot of someone’s life, you don’t have any way to know what they’ve gone through to get there or what they might be struggling with privately. 

 Remind yourself that social media does not always accurately reflect reality. 

Don’t rely on social media to tell you what someone else’s life is like. It’s not usually a complete picture of someone’s life – it’s just the parts they want the world to see, like a highlight reel.  Don’t compare your whole life to everyone else’s highlight reel.  You may even want to set boundaries around how much time you spend on social media if you find yourself comparing yourself to others often.

Practice gratitude and focus on your strengths. 

Try writing down three things you’re grateful for every day.  The more you recognize what is good in your life, the more content with your life you will be.  Additionally, write down your own strengths, talents and accomplishments.  You can be humble and still acknowledge what’s great about you! 

 Learn to compete with yourself rather than others. 

Where are you now compared to where you were one year ago? Or five years ago? Focus on your own goals and getting better for the sake of meeting your own goals and aspirations, rather than being like others. 

Use these tips to focus on learning about yourself without comparing yourself to others. Each of us has our own unique strengths and skills we bring that are important, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. If you’re struggling with self-esteem or negative comparison, chat with us today for more support in focusing on yourself and changing your mindset. 

How to Set Healthy New Year’s Resolutions

How to Set Healthy New Year’s Resolutions

Shelby Williams
Adolescent and Young Adult Psychotherapist

How to Set Healthy New Year’s Resolutions

It’s that time of year again… “New year, new me” posts are popping up everywhere.  New Year’s resolutions can be a great way to set goals for the upcoming year.  However, they can also easily become toxic.

While resolutions can be useful in helping you attain your goals, it’s important to make sure they are realistic and don’t create unhealthy habits or mindsets for yourself. It’s also important to know that you don’t need to set resolutions at all. But below are just a few tips to set healthy new year’s resolutions in 2022, if you choose to set some.

Choose attainable goals.
Don’t set yourself for disappointment, and make sure your goals are realistic.  You can always add new goals as you achieve your original ones, building off of the progress you’ve already made. 

Make small changes that contribute toward a larger goal.

You don’t have to reach a giant milestone in a small amount of time. Sometimes building small habits over a long time can be more helpful in continuing to make positive changes in your life. For instance, if you’re not used to exercising daily, having a goal of going for a two-mile run five days a week might be really difficult to reach and maintain.  Start by going for a 30 minute walk five days a week.  Then adjust and increase your goals as you meet them.

Avoiding setting number-based resolutions.

In some instances, putting a number on your goal can put a negative spin on them and become less about the change and more about rushing to the final goal.  For example, instead of setting a goal to make 10 new friends in the new year, you could make a resolution to attend a new club or group that would provide an organic space to meet new people. Making new friends can meet a lot of things and may not be something within your control. But placing yourself in new environments to meet people is within your control and can be a way to help you get out of your comfort zone and into new experiences. 

Avoid goals that take things away from you.

It can be harder to remain motivated to achieve our goals when we feel we are being deprived of something. Think about what you can do instead of what you cannot do. Instead of a resolution to “eat less junk food,” try reframing the goal to “add one additional fruit or one vegetable to every meal.” Or instead of something like “watch less TV,” try “spend thirty minutes per day on a new hobby.” Choose to focus on all the good things you can add into your life rather than what you can take away. 

 

Our best advice is to go for gradual improvement, not perfection. By setting attainable, healthy goals, you can slowly make positive changes in your life over time. And of course if you choose not to set any resolutions, that’s okay too! You can start making changes at any point in your life. You don’t have to wait for the start of the year. And you don’t need to have it all figured out by the end of the next year–but you can take small steps that can build towards larger changes. 

History of the Pride Flag

History of the Pride Flag

Shelby Williams
Adolescent and Young Adult Psychotherapist

History of the Pride Flag

Throughout the years, there has been a variety of symbols used to represent the LBGTQIA+ community. However, the one we see most commonly today is the rainbow Pride flag. Harvey Milk, Gilbert Baker, and Lynn Segerblom, also called Faerie Argyle Rainbow, created this flag in the 1970s. Inspired by Judy Garland’s “Over the Rainbow”, this original design used eight different colors to represent the emotional and spiritual parts of the mind:

1. Hot pink, before it was removed because it was hard to dye, meant sex
2. Red means life
3. Orange means healing
4. Yellow means sunlight
5. Green means nature
6. Turquoise means magic and art
7. Indigo, which was later changed to royal blue, means serenity
8. Violet means spirit.

Since then, many other Pride flags have been created. Some are specific to different LGBTQIA+ communities, such as the Transgender Pride flag or the Pansexual Pride flag, while others are updated versions of the rainbow flag.

One design by Daniel Quasar called the “Progress Pride Flag” has a triangular chevron on one side including colors to honor people of color, those we’ve lost to AIDS, and the trans community. Another, known as the “Philadelphia People of Color-Inclusive Flag” includes a black and brown stripe at the top to highlight people of color in the community. There have even been flags created combing Black Lives Matter and Pride symbols to show support for both groups – both fighting for equal rights, safety, and freedom from oppression.

 

 

Benefits of Yoga

Shelby Williams
Adolescent and Young Adult Psychotherapist

Benefits of Yoga

Yoga is an ancient health practice that uses a combination of movement, stretching, physical poses, deep breathing, and meditation. The practice is all about connecting the body, the mind, and the spirit. It has become a very popular form of exercise all over the world. However, since yoga is both a body and mind practice, it has even more benefits than you might expect.

Physical benefits:

  • Improves flexibility and balance
  • Builds muscle strength
  • Improves posture
  • Protects your spine
  • Increases blood flow and drops your blood pressure
  • Ups your heart rate
  • Supports heart health
  • Prevents joint breakdown
  • Reduces chronic pain

Mental and emotional benefits:

  • Reduces anxiety and stress levels
  • Improves depression symptoms and boost serotonin
  • Helps you focus
  • Relaxes your nervous system
  • Helps you sleep deeper
  • Increases your self esteem
  • Gives you inner strength
  • Builds your awareness
  • Helps with treatment for addiction
  • Encourages self-care

If you are new to the yoga world and want to try a class out at home, YouTube is a great place to start! If you are ready to get out there and try something in person, there are many free or low-cost outdoor yoga classes going on around Pittsburgh this summer!